Seasons of Suffering and Joy

 Where do I even start? I haven't posted a lot of content lately, and I've experience so much in just this year. I have a lot to share, but lately I've felt very anxious and hesitant to share it here. It can be very difficult to get it all out and feel like I'm using the right words. I have to work past the fear of being judged or sharing something that might offend someone. I've thought about writing a blog for many years, and I've always originally wanted to share the intimate parts of my life, but with just enough censoring to invite the Spirit while one is reading it. I say this because I walked a path of darkness for a long time, and there are many shocking details involved. Many of my close friends and family know much of these details, and I'm so grateful that they have stuck by me through all the chaos that surrounded me for a lot of years. I know that we all have pasts and they are each so unique, and many of us have experienced deep pain and trauma throughout our lives. I feel blessed when I meet someone who is willing to bear his or her soul to me and others, because I have found healing as their stories of sorrow and triumph come from their lips. Vulnerability must be a part of any process of healing, otherwise, the shame of being human can cause mental and spiritual wounds to fester for a long time. Don't be afraid to talk about your flaws because, guess what? We all have them!! And that's totally okay, because we live in a fallen world, and it's in our nature to sin and make mistakes. We are human! I'm here to tell you that there is a space that is safe from shame, and I have found it in circles of friends and family who love each other despite their differences and honor each others' journeys. I hope you can find that space here in my blog.

 

    Don't you just love this time of year, when the foliage changes to beautiful shades of reds, yellows, and oranges? I have spent a lot of time this year being outdoors, and I have developed an intimate connection with the seasons. Every year, the earth experiences death and rebirth, much like we do in our own lives. The trials that we face, and the joy that follows after triumphing over them, ebb and flow throughout our lives. Sometimes these changes, and all of the emotions that come with them, feel like they're going to drive me crazy. I have recently walked through my own season of suffering where I had many extremely hard days. Many monumental changes have taken place for me lately, and I will tell you about the most important one. On September 7th, of this year, I received my endowment in the Red Cliffs Temple in St. George, Utah. For those who don't know about the endowment, it is a sacred ceremony where the participants make holy covenants with God in return for strength and power to withstand the forces of darkness that are quickly becoming much stronger. Just thinking about that time I spent in the Temple brings tears of gratitude to my eyes because there was a time when I didn't know if I would ever make it there. 

The beautiful Red Cliffs Temple.

    Can you not feel that changes that are taking place on the earth? I often wonder why I feel anxiety so often, and one answer I keep coming back to is that I'm feeling the intense energy that is surrounding our globe. I have experienced anxiety and depression for most of my adult life, but I feel like I am now better equipped to rise above it. And not only that, I feel like I am learning a lot more from the trials I face each day and the feelings that accompany them. It's because of these overwhelming emotions that I often call on the Lord to strengthen me and help me find peace and hope. My endowment and the covenants I am doing my best to keep each day are healing me in profound ways. I know that some may attach negative labels to feelings of discomfort or unrest, but sometimes it's necessary for us to feel these things because they could point us in a completely different direction. They are meant to take us outside of our comfort zones and they can signify a change that needs to happen. God can help you find the strength to make that change because that is what He is doing for me. I don't expect all my problems to go away just because I have decided to take my discipleship more seriously, but I do know that God will deliver me and help me be victorious. 

    I really could go on for a lot longer, but I personally like shorter blog posts so that's what I'm going to try to create. It's true that many scary things are happening in our world, but it's also true that there are powerful forces of Light at work on our behalf. Tap into them and experience a renewing of your mind, body, and soul. That power is there for you to seize when you do so with faith! I love you all and God bless you. 🙏🤍🥰

    Enjoy a few pictures below of my most recent adventures!!

South Rim, Grand Canyon, Dec. 2023

Kaibab National Forest, Arizona, July 2024

Endowment Day with Family, Red Cliffs Temple, September 2024

Endowment Day, Red Cliffs Temple, September 2024

Kaibab National Forest, Arizona, October 2024