With All My Heart, Might, (Mind?!), and Strength

     I figure it's been long enough since my last post, and today I could no longer fight the urge to make another one. Last night, I was in bed reading one of my journals. I've kept many journals throughout my life, and this one is particularly for recording thoughts and feelings which I feel come from God. Revelation from heaven is a real thing to me, and for the last few years I've been doing my best to keep track of God's voice in my life. This entry was from January 31st, 2025, and it talks about my deep desire to serve the Lord. In Doctrine and Covenants 59:5, it reads:

"Wherefore, I give unto them a commandment, saying thus: 
Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, with all thy might, mind, and strength; and in the name of Jesus Christ thou shalt serve him."

    I strive to take this commandment very seriously because the blessings that come from doing so are immensely needed in my life. But it can be a very tall order to fill for me because I experience so much anxiety and depression. The four components that make up the recipe in this verse are heart, might, mind, and strength. For the most part, I have a pretty good hold on all of those but one: my mind. This part of me feels like those most fragile these days, and I often wonder if my efforts to serve are impeded by the scars it bears. These scars were made by years of addiction, fear, chaos, and darkness.

www.shutterstock.com

    Part of my journal entry from January reads:

"I often feel like I'm not serving enough and that my damaged mind gets in the way a lot. Does the Lord see that, and does He accept my efforts, even though they seem very meager to me? I think the Lord understands the struggles I have with my mental health and is pleased with the efforts I make to serve others, even when it's really hard for me to be around people. My heart is filled with the desire to be helpful to them, but my mind often gets in the way."

     It's funny how different parts of me can have different desires and capabilities. Sometimes I wonder if I'll go crazy with this inner-polarization of wanting to help others and at the same time recoiling from the thought of doing so. I often get really down on myself and feel like I am being condemned by God because I'm just not doing enough to help His children who are in need. Does anyone else have this negative self-talk? "I'm so inadequate!" "Why can't I do more?!" "Will I ever measure up?" I have a feeling I'm not the only one who has these thoughts. 🤔

    When I read that journal entry last night, my heart was filled with gratitude for making the decision to record these heavenly impressions that I get from time-to-time. Truth and power came flooding into my mind, and I could feel that the Lord truly is pleased with my efforts to lift and love those around me. I was reminded that I am on a journey of healing, and I'm recovering at just the right rate that is needed for me. I'm beginning to feel like if I can improve even 1% at a time, that is a win. 

    

    Without Jesus, my mind could not be mended. I practice faith in Him each day, and I know it is because of my faith I can have the strength to carry on. It is true that He does want each of us to take care of those in need and share our gifts with them. Doing this is part of a healing process for us and those we help. Just be sure to remember that you are only human, and you must take care of yourself also. 

    

    When I first started to get clean and sober, I was amazed at how good it all felt to be free from addiction. Life was still very hard, but I felt so blessed, and I wanted to share the blessings of healing with anyone who was in any sort of pain. I went full bore, and if I noticed anyone in distress, I went to them. It was wonderful at first, but after a while I experienced tremendous burnout. In my undertaking of trying to save everyone around me, I forgot to take care of myself. 

    I've taken a big step back from being a healer (which is the term I like to use for people who find a purpose in helping others), and it's been a blessing...and a little bit of curse. I wondered if I had taken too big of a step away from my mission to heal the pain of others. I often pondered if I was just being weak and selfish. About a year ago, I started praying a lot to God to find answers. Finally, on January 31st, I received what I believe is a firm revelation from the Lord that my present efforts to serve are acceptable to Him, as they were at the time soon after I got clean. I praise Him for having mercy on me and letting me grow at my own pace. He does this for all those who trust in Him and follow Him.

    I love you all so much. I hope that your own journeys of faith and healing are coming along well. Remember, that you are always loved, and you are never alone. If you like what you've read, please follow my blog and share it with others. My hope is to share my faith-based journey of recovery with as many of you as I can. Much love to you, and may God bless you all. 🙏💗